i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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