I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
