hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
