great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
