after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You took a bar mat shot.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
