we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
