How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
