I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
