she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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