is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
