Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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