I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
