I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
