I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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