I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
