now i know why i became what i already was.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
