You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
