giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
