If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
