3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I feel like abortions should bother me more
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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