It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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