Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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