nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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