my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
