We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
