Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
