Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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