If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
