Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize