What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
