whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
