Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
