My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
