she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
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She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
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Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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