I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
