My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
