I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
