It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
