I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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