So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
