so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
