apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
