Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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