I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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