cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
did you just send me my own nude
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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