you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
