Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
