There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
