i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
