i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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