I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
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We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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