Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i believe in u and ur pee
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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