her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
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I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize