There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
