hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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