What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
