Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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