what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
How external is "for external use only"?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
