i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize