I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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