Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
