I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
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he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
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The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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