I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize