shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
