I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
