Jerry, you need to find god
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
