I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
