I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
