Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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