he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
