Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Dicks are not precious.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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