before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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