just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
