If that was your dad, he is hot
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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