xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
