just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
