Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
