I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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