just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
