Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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