So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
